I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
