if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
