didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
