she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
