I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
