Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize