I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
