He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
