It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
