Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
