so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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