when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
