I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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