She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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