but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
