i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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