she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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