Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How external is "for external use only"?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
