I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Text me some of your sweat
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