Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
