I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
