dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dicks are not precious.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
