He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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