70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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