i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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