I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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