be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
