Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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