My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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