You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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