I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
