He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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