Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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