So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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