my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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