The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
