I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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