her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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