Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize