So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
