I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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