Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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