I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
