So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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