I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize