GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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