It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
