I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
