meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
