alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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