Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
