New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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