i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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