Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
