fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
