your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
