Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
