Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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