That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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