dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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