that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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