Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
