I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
