I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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