from now on my penis is your penis
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
