508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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