omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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