The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
