I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
