Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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