we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
