Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He better not be in your backpack
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
