Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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