I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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