My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
