I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
