Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize