We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
