We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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