goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
