He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
