1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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