I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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