So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
