Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
