Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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