Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
