Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
