I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I faked an abortion last night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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