Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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