Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
