I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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